The Erudite Comedy- Part 4

To recap, our two guides have passed by Minos, and into a large wall of wind which now hinders them.


We continued into the darkness, past that huge monster. Virgil guided us past the huge walls of twisting wind and the dark rocks.

“We just need to get to the edge of the circle,” he yelled back at me, over the wind. “While we’re here, you might as well take a look at the people here.”

“There aren’t many, usually because they get worse punishments. Over there is Helen of Troy. She didn’t really do anything wrong, except get kidnapped a couple times. Story goes she accidentally fell in here.”

“So,” I responded, yelling ahead of the wind. “What is this place for?”

“Well, its more for lost souls, or misguided romantics. But usually they get enough punishments in the real world. Plus no kids ever just stops here, it usually gets worse. If only they would stop ignoring all the education from the school. There are at least 15 separate school-funded documentaries on this stuff! And no one pays attention, I just can’t explain it. At least that money went somewhere productive, those videos can be watched forever now! Talk about an investment.”


At the next great precipice, I looked down into further circles. Turning around, I was about to refuse to descend, when a huge gust of wind blew past. Suddenly, I slipped and began falling backwards. The last thing I could see was Virgil laughing and jumping after me.


I only woke up because of a loud, harsh sound coming from nearby. Opening my eyes, I saw a dark cloud hanging above me, as Virgil danced around a large black dog. It had three heads and dark red eyes.

“Here boy,” Virgil kept jumping away from the heads. “Go chase the stick.”

It was obvious he had been at it for a while, but finally the huge dog chased after a stick Virgil had thrown. Beckoning towards me, he yelled, “Run!”

Not sure quite what was happening, I ran past where the dog had been, and into the storm of sleet ahead of us.

“So what was that,” I said, shivering. “And what is this?”

“Well,” Virgil replied, panting. “That was the guard dog of the school, Standardized Testing. We call him Cerberus, its kinda cute. This is the circle for the gluttonous, and no one is quite as gluttonous as those blasted tests. They thought about having him guard the circle for greed, but that was too expensive.”

As we continued into the circle, we saw almost no one in the entire circle.

“If this is for the gluttonous,” I started speaking. “Then where are the people?”

“It isn’t that simple,” Virgil replied. “You see, there are too many obese children for us to just accept all of them in here. And we weren’t about to start educating them on health, goodness. And if we took in one, then they’d all want to fit in here. So we restricted it to kids who got obese from school lunch, which no one eats very much of. It’s the only way to keep this place not overcrowded.”

“But its not being used at all.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a complaint for the school board. We could have replaced Minos as the receptionist, but the board decided against it. Why? Because this is such a better waste. You really need to get used to that, money goes where it isn’t needed around here.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage at his contradictory statements.


And thus ends the fourth part of the Erudite Comedy, or otherwise known as, The Commedia Erudita!

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