How to Survive Mrs. Malaprop’s Class- Pt. 4 FIN

Welcome back, dear reader! Here begins the third installment in “the Guide to Surviving Mrs. Malaprop’s Class.” You may wish to revisit the previous installment from two weeks ago before reading this portion, as there is a level of continuity between the posts. Enjoy!

For those of you who want to take the AP exam, don’t be scared off by her lack of teaching. Get a group of kids, preferably with at least some kids from Mr.Absolute, the other AP biology teacher, for backup and self study. Most kids will have to do this anyway because somehow both of the biology teachers overlooked when the AP exam is, and currently have their class’ set up to where, you don’t learn everything by the test; more specifically you don’t learn ecology, one of the larger subjects on the test.

If you are looking to max AP Biology or even 5.8, you should be prepared for WW3. There are only two ways to score high in her class; be lucky and smart or be lucky and cheat (notice how I didn’t put hard working here). I personally don’t like cheating (and I actively disapprove of it), but that’s how broken her class is. Even when you tip the scales in your complete favor, her antics can make it hard to make an A. The first, and most important, condition is luck. Half of this luck is being placed in a later period, because at that point she will have figured out some rough idea of how to run the class that day, and you can ask kids in earlier periods what to expect (ie. was the calendar correct? What, that’s due today? What, we have a quiz today? What, we need pill bugs? What are pill bugs? etc.). If you don’t get in a later period your chances are severely lowered. The rest of the luck is just hoping you don’t get screwed over by a random thing you did on a test that is now worth all of the points and there is no compromise, so now your grade tanks. Being smart is the other requirement, as you can’t rely on working hard. Sure, you can take notes if there’s a quiz tomorrow, or do the homework, but there’s a pretty good chance she just doesn’t have the quiz or take up the homework, which makes it pretty hard to care or give the class full effort all of the time. You basically have to improvise by studying some and being able to adapt quickly. The other option is cheating, which is lamentable and I don’t endorse it, but as I said, even doing this isn’t sure fire because it requires you to be in a later class period and she might just randomly choose you for execution, and tank your grade from some arbitrary reason.

All in all, be ready for a wild school year, be on your toes at all times, and have some fun with it, otherwise you might go crazy about the grade.


Although this is the final part of my guide to surviving Mrs. Malaprop’s class, you can expect more stories including her very soon!

“I can’t believe this guide is famished!” -Mrs. Malaprop



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