The Erudite Comedy- Part 1

The sun dipped below the horizon as I approached the base of Mount University. Pausing for a breath, I dared a terrified backward glance. The thick, dark forest spread out behind me; although I had a penchant for nature, I knew this was a different beast. Several chthonic creatures had chased me through the forest:…

Schedule Pick up Day- a.k.a Apocalypse

It’s getting close to that time of year again. That’s right, schedule pick up! It’s often understated just how important this day is. The little piece of paper you pick up at this day of judgement dictates your whole school year (unless you change classes). After you receive your sentencing, you will probably want to…

How to Survive Mrs. Malaprop’s Class- Pt. 1

Hello, dear reader. Before you begin reading this compendium of the madness that was AP Biology under “Mrs. Malaprop,” I would urge you to read this foreword. “Mrs. Malaprop” is a character from Sheridan’s play, The Rivals, wherein she misused long words because she wanted to appear well educated, but her statements were ultimately nonsensical…

The Erudite Comedy, Part 8

Watching people burn in coffins is weird. But not as weird has having to talk to them. The number of so called “heretics” Virgil forced me to speak with was not necessary. None of them have any idea about the present day. One even asked me if his son had died! Turns out everyone who…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 7

It wasn’t long before we were walking away from Phlegyas and his boat, travelling towards the red city in the distance. It seemed, however, that the gates were guarded. “Stay here,” Virgil said, speaking rapidly. “I’ll get us into Dis, one way or another.” I watched him approach the harpies guarding the gate. It wasn’t…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 6

Standing at the edge of the dark and muddy river, we looked at the people writhing in the water. Flailing, biting, and punching, they angrily wrestled each other. Soon enough, Virgil pulled a phone out from his pocket. Wait — what? “Since when did you have a smartphone on you?” I asked as he started…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 5

We walked through the dark and desolate halls of Gluttony. Just as Virgil said, there wasn’t a soul to be found. Still, there was a pungent odor of rotten eggs. It became so overpowering I was forced to pinch my nose shut. “What is that?” I asked my guide as he frolicked ahead of me.…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 4

To recap, our two guides have passed by Minos, and into a large wall of wind which now hinders them.   We continued into the darkness, past that huge monster. Virgil guided us past the huge walls of twisting wind and the dark rocks. “We just need to get to the edge of the circle,”…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 3

When we last left our heroes, they were travelling through Limbo, the place for those who did not attend university, those poor souls. Virgil points out some of the inhabitants of Limbo, all of whom exist on the lowest plain of punishment in the education system.   Virgil pointed towards some elderly men sitting around…

The Erudite Comedy- Part 2

Coarse. Dark. As I began to awake, I tried to remember where I was. Oh, right. I fell asleep in the tree and had that weird dream about the Roman kid. And what was that silly thing he said again? Don’t drink the water? Whatever, I need to get to that mountain before long. I…

The Festival of PSATurnalia

The Earth has once again completed its revolution around the Sun, and it is the time of the PSAT. A ritual in which adolescents are forced to partake in a modified assessment of their comprehension skills, which decides if they are bestowed the prestigious title of “National Merit Scholar.” One would imagine that such a…

Lovecraft Meets High School: A Deconstruction

What is school like for the undeveloped mind of a sleep deprived student? I realized that this theater of madness known as school isn’t so different from that of a Lovecraftian tale(or horror, to be accurate). So I decided to investigate this little theory.   So, what does constitute a Lovecraftian horror? Well according to…